We visited Dracula’s castle so you don’t have to

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There is a certain vibe about Transylvania, it’s true. Deep, thick coniferous forests covering wonderfully jagged mountains. Misty valleys and peaks shrouded in fog. When the sun manages its way through the clouds it casts narrow beams of light down into villages full of wooden buildings with the most wonderfully pointed roofs. You could definitely imagine seeing some vampires here.

Peles Castle

Peleș Castle, an actually amazing Transylvanian palace that is much better than Castle Bran

That’s all true, until you hit Bran, Romania. This is the home of Castle Bran, a rather nondescript little palace that has managed to wrangle the ropes of history into a lasso that has wrapped itself firmly around the neck of Vlad the Impaler, who we know as good old Dracula. The town is as you’d expect–absolutely throbbing with tourists and vendors selling kitschy Romanian and vampire-themed crap. There’s nothing particularly mysterious here, except why on earth people keep pouring in by the thousands to check it out. Being lovers of kitsch and mystery hunters (not really), we of course had to make the three-hour journey from Bucharest to take a look with our very own eyes.

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Dracula wine, uh huh

Dracula wine, uh huh

Crap, crap and more crap

Crap, crap and more crap

Ghastly exchange rates.. ahahahaha.

Ghastly exchange rates.. ahahahaha.

It only cost a measly 6€ to visit Castle Bran, which is a reasonable price to pay to enter the legendary estate of Count Dracula (if you ask us). Once inside we were lucky enough to have Dracula himself (disguised as Mook) take us on a tour of the house.

Castle Bran

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Hello Dracula, thanks for having us!

Dracula's surprised so many people showed up at his open house

Dracula’s surprised so many people showed up at his open house

One of Dracula's cool livingroom sets

One of Dracula’s cool livingroom sets.. nice rug!

How did so many people find out about the secret staircase?!

How did so many people find out about the secret staircase?!

Much more crowded in here than he remembers...

Much more crowded in here than he remembers…

Dracula's a well read guy, he loves German classics and cookbooks

Dracula’s a well read guy, he loves German classics and cookbooks

How about a romanic roll around in the nude on this great rug?!

How about a romanic roll around in the nude on this great rug?!

We were surprised to find that Dracula has such modern taste in furniture

We were surprised to find that Dracula has such modern taste in furniture

A bit of a time out to stop and smell the flowers

A bit of a time out to stop and smell the flowers

In the evenings Dracula likes to relax on his balcony with a drink

In the evenings Dracula likes to relax on his balcony with a drink

Which overlooks this great courtyard... where did all these people come from??

Which overlooks this great courtyard… where did all these people come from??

The castle even has resplendent views of Transylvanian construction sites... stupid Russians ruining the neighbourhood!!

The castle even has resplendent views of Transylvanian construction sites… stupid Russians ruining the neighbourhood!!

This is where Dracula has all his rooftop parties

This is where Dracula has all his rooftop parties

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Awesome knife collection, Dracula!

Where Dracula comes to focus on his writing

Where Dracula comes to focus on his writing

The "games room"... guess Dracula doesn't have a lot of friends :(

The “games room”… guess Dracula doesn’t have a lot of friends 🙁

It's been a long day for Dracula, with so many visitors...

It’s been a long day for Dracula, with so many visitors…

...So he invited us for a little break and a cop of tea in his homely kitchen

…So he invited us for a little break and a cop of tea in his homely kitchen

Dracula was really proud of his sword collection

Dracula was really proud of his sword collection

But the suits of armour are the big hit here at Castle Bran

But the suits of armour are the big hit here at Castle Bran

Back out into the courtyard... still lots of people

Back out into the courtyard… still lots of people

But still a great place to chill out when the weather is nice

But still a great place to hang out when the weather is nice

"Hang out" ahahaha, you're so clever, Dracula

“Hang out!” Ahahaha, you’re so clever, Dracula

Nice uh... telescope canon? Wtf is that thing?

Nice uh… telescope canon? Wtf is that thing?

Back outside Dracula was super happy looking into this stupid well

Back outside Dracula was super happy looking into this stupid well

Oh!! Because people HAD THROWN SHITLOADS OF ROMANIA'S PLASTIC MONEY INTO IT

Oh!! Because people HAD THROWN SHITLOADS OF ROMANIA’S PLASTIC MONEY INTO IT

Ok tour is over. On our way out Dracula wanted to make sure we didn't steal any of his cool shit, so he made us walk through metal detectors :(

Ok tour is over. On our way out Dracula wanted to make sure we didn’t steal any of his cool shit, so he made us walk through metal detectors 🙁

What an awesome tour!! So that is Castle Bran, the famous house of Count Dracula. We’ve now saved you the 6€ per person to go see the stupid thing, so please take the money and visit another one of Transylvania’s magnificent castles instead. The Transylvania region is probably one of the most beautiful in Romania, and definitely worth a visit.

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Stray dog for good measure

Stray dog for good measure

FIN



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  1. Jess

    That was so nice of Dracula to take time out of his busy schedule to show you around! He seems much nicer than his reputation.


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